Susan straightened her clothes on the drive home.  Her brain was being hammered with a myriad of emotions.  What had she done?  She’d given herself to Greg, and now she vacillated between happiness and fear.  She felt as if she really belonged to him, but she was so fearful someone would find out that she felt kind of sick.  Greg reached over and slid his hand under her skirt as he drove, his fingers tickling her thigh.  She looked at him and smiled that secretive little smile that only lovers have, and she placed her hand on his leg as well.

            “I love you,” he whispered.

            “I love you, too,” she whispered back as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

            He pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car, then he pulled her tightly to him, kissing her deeply while running his hand under her blouse to touch her breasts.  She tightened her grasp on him, rubbing between his thighs with one hand.  She quickly felt his reaction to her touch.

            “You better stop that, girl, or we’re never gonna get back to your house,” he growled.

            “I don’t want to go home, but I guess I have to,” she sighed.

            He planted a series of little kisses on her lips and throat before settling once more behind the wheel to drive.  The happiness inside Susan was unlike anything she’d ever experienced.  As they stopped at her house, Greg took the time to pull her to him and kiss her slowly and passionately before they went inside. 

            Rosie was watching television in the living room while waiting up for them .  Susan and Greg, holding hands, sat side by side on the sofa and joined her.

            “What’s on TV?” Greg asked.

            “Some kind of science fiction movie.  Space aliens or something,” she replied.

            “Mind if we join you?”

            “Y’all can stay up and watch it……I think I’m going to bed,” Rosie said as she rose to leave the room. 

            From the first time Greg had met Rosie, he’d been very charming to her, until now he had her practically eating out of his hand.  That was so unusual that Susan was dumbfounded; usually her mother hated everyone she brought home.  But because of his charm, they’d been able to spend more time together than Susan would’ve been allowed otherwise.  They’d been dating about two months now, and Susan was the envy of every girl in school.  Greg treated her like a queen, Susan worshipped the ground he walked on, and it was obvious to everyone around them that they were in love. 

           

            The holidays came and went with the exchanging of gifts and more intimacy.  They were inseparable.  But with the first flowers of spring came the day when Susan couldn’t reach Greg anywhere.  She didn’t see him at school, he wasn’t in the parking lot after school, and he wasn’t at work.  She knew he had been at school because several of her girlfriends had seen him.  She waited for him to call her that evening while she did her homework, but the evening passed slowly without any word from him. 

            The next day in school, her best friend, Carol, passed her a note in Algebra class.  Susan slipped the note under her desktop, and, after looking around to see where Mr. Williams was, she opened it up to read.  As she read the note, her hands began to shake and tears welled up in her eyes.  She looked at Carol questioningly.  Carol shrugged her shoulders as if to say, “That’s what I heard.”  Suddenly Susan couldn’t wait for school to end.  She had to get out of there.  She needed to go home and be alone….all alone, but the class seemed to drag on forever.  Barely able to copy down tomorrow’s assignment, she breathed a sigh of relief as the final bell rang.  She hurried out of class to her locker, grabbed her books, and rushed outside before anyone else.  As soon as she was out of sight of the school, she began to run, and she ran the remaining distance to her house.

            She ran upstairs, threw her books on the floor, and flung herself across the bed to cry.  Carol’s note said that Greg had been seen with Sheri Sorensen, and rumor had it that they were dating.  She sobbed until her eyes were almost swollen shut.  Her shoulders heaved and her chest ached, but worst of all, her heart was broken.  She had given everything to Greg.  They were in love.  They had even talked about future plans.  She didn’t want to live any longer…..she longed for the pain to stop and if she had to disappear into oblivion to accomplish it, so be it.  She began to think of ways to die, but there was nothing available to help her accomplish it.  She was doomed to live through this hell all by herself.

 

            Her depression remained as the days passed slowly.  Somehow, she managed to get through the end of the school year without falling behind.  And as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, she began to realize that the ache was getting easier to bear.  Death was no longer her obsession.  Summer arrived and the heat seemed to lift the mantle of depression from her shoulders.  Finally, the day came when she actually looked forward to the future, but she vowed to herself that she’d never give her heart to anyone again.  She’d never place herself in a position to be hurt that badly by anyone!  From now on, the door to her heart was closed.